“Oh thank god you’re here, Lydia. Look, me and Jessica decided to fool around a little with a reality switcher. Something has gone horribly wrong.”
“Uh, Jessica, why are your panties talking?”
“Thanks for noticing! Cool, huh? They were a wedding present. Somebody got me a pair of novelty panties. You know, the Talking Panties™ with speakers sewn into the fabric? They’re like those greeting cards with audio messages when you open them.”
“I don’t know if those are… a thing…?”
“Sure they are, they sing happy birthday to you.”
“No, I mean I’ve never heard of panties with speakers in them before.”
“Of course you haven’t! Nobody has! That’s just the reality shift trying to explain why I can speak.”
“It’s a very niche product.”
“Lyia, listen to me, I’m Jessica’s boyfriend. I’m a human. The reality shift erased me but Jessica was never meant to be part of it. She needed to remember so she could revert things to how they're meant to be.”
“Does your husband know you have boyfriend panties?”
“Haha, very funny.”
“She’s not meant to be married, Lydia! Without me in existence, she must have met somebody else. Some macho asshole who-”
“How do they know my name is Lydia?”
“Just a coincidence. They come pre-loaded with different fun catchphrases. Stuff like ‘Jessica, please help me’, ‘I love you, Jessica’, ‘reality is broken’, and ‘please don't wear me when he touches you’.”
“Those don’t sound very fun. And it just plays randomly?”
“Uh huh. Little snippets of audio. Sometimes the audio sounds like its syncing to things you say, almost like it’s replying, but it’s just a coincidence.”
“I am replying to you!”
“See?”
“Don’t they seem like a strange wedding present to you?”
“Not at all, they’re totally-… Huh… Actually, now that you mention it… yeah, they are kinda weird…”
“Thank god, a breakthrough. Finally you’re seeing this isn’t how reality is supposed to be.”
“And so annoying too. The sobbing audio seems to be stuck on a loop.”
“Annoying? No I-”
“Why didn’t I mute them weeks ago? All I need to do is remove the battery from the speaker.”
“No no no, Lydia, don’t let her mute me. No no. DON’T LET HER MU-”
…
“Finally a bit of peace and quiet.”
“I know, right?”
“Good job they’re cute panties or I’d have thrown them in the trash.”
“So anyway you were telling me about your sex life with the gorgeous new hubby.”
“Oh, right, where was I…?”
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